| No comment yet

Night show: Trinity Awards

2.30 Pm @ Radisson Hotel

I sat in the section with others where the awardees were seated. I was awarded for having the Best Distinction in my Country. I was also asked to perform and I brought for them Beethoven's 3rd movement of his moonlight sonata.

I invited so many friends. When they arrived it looked like me personal fan group committee. Its great to have so many friends support you. I got to hang out with Christian after so long of not seeing him and the same was to Lyana. Who met another Liyana who came with a very sick Matthew. Who told Yousof to wear smart but he himself did not. Kelvin and Chaddy came and Sheena was sent to Radisson from my car. My cousin Fiona was there as well. 

I have to be honest. The piano was terrible. More terrible than the last time I went to play it. They still haven't plugged in the heater and the sound was more mellow than anyone could have thought possible. The more I listened, the more I wanted to play louder to play brighter. The more I did that, the more stressed my arms got and distracted my mind became. I managed to play the whole thing through anyways. The whole management could have been better. The arrangement of the instruments were bad, the sound system had faults and it even interrupted one of the performers!

I have to thank my friends and family for being present for this awarding ceremony. My parents, my sisters and others who have been constructively criticizing.


The 9th verse of Ophelia:

Away from his friends, comforters and supporters,
his mind wander where ever he would let,
his own thoughts are the source of his torture,
but he didn't break, it was all inside his head.
| No comment yet

Daily Bugle: Nostalgia

Today just feels so cold. Its bleak and cold. Its so quite. Even with music on its like there's a deadly silence behind it.

It feels so nostalgic, its like I feel a blanket of my memories rounding me. Its hard to explain, there's unbelievable darkness to it. White darkness, like snow perhaps. Maybe its just the rain. Maybe the rain drives people mad. But this feeling is really peaceful.

Its almost as if its fully empty. Its a wholesome amount of empty. I just feel so empty. It's like everything inside of me, came out but doesn't know how to come back. I've never felt this weird before. It's chilly and is cold and its the best weather to give hugs. Serene,peace,emptiness,darkness and nostalgia is the mix of feelings I'm having now.


The eight verse of Ophelia:

And under the rose is where he's kept this,
the music he plays are evident of his  feelings,
the woman he hopes that he marries,
have become thoughts to him that are disturbing.
| No comment yet

At noon: Ophelia

I guess some people wonders who is Ophelia? What is Ophelia? Ophelia is the name of a particular rose that I particularly like. The reason why I love roses so much is because it represents someone. The connection is many. Ophelia is more likely a direct reference to her.

The seventh verse from Ophelia:

It was no surprise she made all men cry,
but the strongest of them all got to keep her as a prize,
to his mistake he's also just about to pry,
he's afraid that his loss would all again be reprised.
| No comment yet

Evening Edition: Peace

I noticed that compared to other countries, Brunei is a very peaceful and quiet country. Nothing much happens around here. Crime rate is low. But with booming technology, comes booming accident rates and death rates. Even with that, its hard to find a country as Peaceful as this. Our King, His majesty Sultan of Brunei , is an excellent leader. He has maintained this peace for us and subsidized many things such as fuel,rice,water,electricity,school fees and more for Bruneians AND residents.

But ofcourse, with a country like this, there are rules. Our country is a Monarch. There is a hierarchy of statuses and rankings , and regardless of age, one shows respect by kissing another s hand. Not literally kiss, you just bring it up to your head. The other day, I was at a junction circle in Gadong, the busy area in Brunei. Our roads were blocked for a few minutes and the King was escorted in his car with many Policemen. The last policeman, I assume chief, stopped to retrieve his walkie talkie from a traffic police. They trade smiles and the traffic police kissed the hand of the Chief Police. I come to wonder at great discipline Bruneian's have.

Now discipline brings about peace. Discipline to follow rules and be silent when needed. When you're silent, you think carefully and you listen more. When you think about absolutely nothing except for what you're doing, that's when you have found peace.

I came across this white mongrel. It was cute, laying on its side closing its eyes on the road. It has found peace, simply on the grey road cement.I wonder how it found peace so easily. These days, people struggle to be at peace. We're all restless with our works, studies, romance and social lives. We can't even have a second to stand and see where we're at now at such a busy world. Peace is not there anymore.

If one is deprived of peace, its like being deprived of sleep. Because with sleep, its confirmed, then peace is there. Sometimes, I wish I could just sleep forever. That I didn't have to think. That everything was this relaxing. But reality is hard and true. That will never happen. Not once in your life will you get a chance to rest. Not once in your life will you get a chance to correct a mistake. But you are given many other chances to redeem mistakes, to learn from mistakes, to get over the past and find peace over it.

Sometimes, even when you've found peace. You become troubled at others. Why others have become restless. Why their sadness is contagious. Sometimes, people just want to make you mad. They just want to piss you off like its nobody's business. Just remember, you are the only one who has permission to make you feel bad for a day.
I guess after a thunderstorm, there is peace. But it takes time for a mess to be cleaned up. For a puzzle to be rearranged.


The sixth verse of Ophelia:

For the amount of love you get,
you might get even more hurt,
just prepare and expect that she'd forget,
because in her heart, you don't know what lurks.
| No comment yet

Kristine Claire "Kay Cee" Galano

A young girl , 10 years of age. Extremely talented on the violin and is currently working to a diploma. ( remembered I said I went to watch her? Well I was sitting with her for theory today)

She has a dark complexion, Hispanic. She had thick lips and a slight over bite. She had a long face and tied back hair and she was rather thin. She had dark melancholic eyes and a button nose.

She had a smooth and angelic voice, just like her violin. I wonder if its something god did. She's  a very quiet girl and hardly smiles.


The fifth verse of Ophelia:

Just like a rose, her thorns were many,
her beauty was also just as strong,
the resemblance of a rose was definitely quite uncanny,
but what she's done could be mistaken for wrong.
| No comment yet

Daily Bugle:Chapter four

The fourth verse from Ophelia:

There was a maiden by the name of Ophelia,
one could smell from her, the scent of roses,
such a lady found only maybe once a millennia,
perhaps she shouldn't be kept in the heart as closest.
| No comment yet

at noon: Thunderstorm

Last night, or more accurately early this morning, there was a huge thunderstorm. I've never seen one so big before. The lightnings has never been so bright. The thunder never been so loud. I know because, I'm never woken up by storms before. It caused my house to black out. The rain was so loud it's like it wanted to tear the house down.

The world is definitely dying already. Global warming has started to show. I mean, earthquakes nearly every week, tornadoes, typhoons and tsunamis. This five months has ended already with so many natural disasters. Our earth has to be saved. Saving the earth is like saving our future generations.

In cases of storms, its like a state when all's messy. Occasionally, everyone's minds has to have a thunderstorm. You know how the air is humid and still after a thunderstorm? Its like walking in the mist, when there is no mist. Anticipation for something worse is there. But what do we get in place? Sunshine.

When your mind's in a hurricane, you can only expect one thing back. Sunshine. Sometimes, I fail to tell myself that. I make myself believe that it will keep getting worse. Now its different. Now I go through storms just for the sunshine.

Sometimes, I write messily. Like a storm. But that's me, I'm a storm. I'll swipe you off your feet with what I can do and what I can say. Maybe what I'm trying to say is that everything has a bad side but not everything has a good side. Every good things has a bad side. But not every bad thing has a good side. I think I'll let you figure that out yourself.

The third verse from Ophelia.
The rose kisses with a piercing touch,
to get to the rose, you must fight its thorns,
but is it worth it with the task as such,
not to harm the rose to get treated with scorn.
| No comment yet

Daily Bugle:Raise your glass

The background music for 11B's ( my class) presentation on Sarjana got Talent is Raise your glass.

We had practice today and we spent two hours choreographing the first few seconds. I've absolutely no idea how we're going to finish on time. I'm playing the piano, so its easy. Our teacher literally blackmailed us. He threaten us not to advice us on our computer project (due on June) if we don't do our presentation.Its not even that important and it was optional in the first place. PLUS we would be expelled from the O'levels if we do not complete our computer project on time. Total bullshit right?

Oh wells , it was a fun thing anyways. My classmate wrote me a very cute apology letter today. I was even mad at him/her. But its so cute! I've no idea who gave me the letter.


And heres the second verse from Ophelia.

Just hang a rose on the door,
what happens inside, stays inside,
because its what secrets are for,
these are rules your must abide.
| No comment yet

Daily Bugle:Silence

This is a composition I wrote for my English Monthly Test. Its an essay about silence.

Silence, it's the state where nothing can be heard. Silence adds a layer of ambience to everything. When nothing can be said, silence is the only thing we can resort to. It has been said that 'Absolute silence leads to death.'. Between two persons, this is where the quote applies.

Silence is important in so many places. In classrooms, where an exam is held. In arguments, where one must submit. In music, where an anticipation is needed. Yet in other instances, silence is deadly. Like a viper slithering just before it takes takes its prey or in a relationship where neither communicates. Silence had been a great catalyst in so many places and a deadly acid in many others.

We all know Beethoven was a great classical composer. He was a virtuoso on the piano and skilled on the violin. He composed great music and revolutionized the structure of pieces. But seldom knows that Beethoven was deaf. The second half of his life was inaudible. He heard without hearing. On his premiere of his last piano concerto, he was deaf. Deaf, but not incapable. He conducted the whole piece through and in the end he heard none. Not a single applaud could be heard. But of course when he turned around, everyone present was giving a standing ovation. Beethoven immediately knelt and wept. If it not been for silence, it wouldn't strike Beethoven that music could be heard even in silence. It is proven again in a piece called '4"33'  composed by John cage. It features three movements of complete silence and the audience is forced to observe it. That in silence, the sound that is heard in the heart, is where music come from.

The greatest speakers in the world are ones that knows how to observe silence. Because it is only in silence where you can listen. It is only in silence where your thoughts are clear and flowing. But it is also in silence where one can over think. Paranoia and disturbing thoughts goes through the mind of a desperate man that hasn't seen his lover for days. Or seen his lover, but not said anything. What he sees, he loves, but what he hears, he fears. It is almost true that silence is darkness heard and darkness is silence seen. A blind man can read and a deaf man can hear. If this is true, it can be said one's life started in silence and ended in silence.

Silence is also controversial. There is no true silence as in silence, we can hear the wind or the ambience of a damp humid room. This redefines silence as a state where no noise was made. The funny thing about silence is that you can hear it. It's like saying you can hear nothing. To most, silence is nothing. To me, silence is where I can hear my deepest thoughts run, hear my deepest ideas move and hear my deepest faiths resonate. Silence is where I can find peace. I'm sure it can be said for others as well.

If I'm told to summarize about silence, there's one thing I music include. Like the earth connects everything indirectly, silence connects every sound. For every sound made, there is a consequent silence. Silence can be an answer to a question or it can be questioned. Silence is mysterious and plain, just like the blue sky we see everyday. But silence is far from dark because silence is one of the places where we can find enlightenment.
 I sometimes envy English teachers. They get to read so many compositions. They get a good laughs, an inspiring read even from bullshit stories.

I've written a poem with a hundred and one verses. It's titled Ophelia. Its just a poem I sketched. Maybe it refers to someone... maybe me?Maybe her? Maybe it's just a random poem.

For everything done in secret,
it goes under the rose,
with all your pride and regret,
it'll make sure it never shows.
 That's the first verse. I think I should post a verse a day. Maybe that'd be nice.

Oh and I painted something up recently. I've never painted with acrylic before. Well,I've only painted with water color before and that was long time ago!

 That's about it.

| No comment yet

Good morning:Cough cough cough

Cough cough Melody. Are you sure you blocked me? Think again. I have ways :P. Becareful. Because  you have to be a good girl. And the Haizam guy? You ask him to becareful too.

| No comment yet

Evening edition:The five values

So in school, we have this "Sarjana got Talent" show. Its obviously a talent show that is supposed to showcase the five values. These values are.





I think its a rather good idea to hold up a talent show to showcase these values of each class. But it's difficult to have the whole class cooperate. Some might think its a bad idea. I disagree and think its a great idea.

Like the day when we had Free Day. It was Honor yourself day. I think it was a good idea. I understand why they're doing this. They being the government. I can see the next generation, they're lacking more and more of these values.

But its hard to find something that has all of these values. But I know there are people in this world that have all these. These are the people that fight for peace of the world. They are our soldiers.

(yes its call of duty)
They're all five of the above. I do think they need one more value tho.

One thing for sure, is that our class has this. I miss my old class yeah, but I'm loving this class. I love everyone I've encountered in my secondary life. In this short period of years, I've learnt alot. And its these people that changed me, molded me and improved me to who I am today. One of such thing is to teach me the difference between British and American English. (really?whats the difference?)

Our lives has been tagged with the  

| No comment yet

Daily Bugle: Beautiful Nightmares

Maybe dreams were meant for something. Maybe inception really does exist. Maybe the one performing inception , is really yourself. Have you ever felt like you woke up, and you had all the spirit to do something? Maybe you dreamt. You dreamt big and you dreamt wide.

We're all living in a world of dreams. Your very footsteps could just be a dream. Sometimes, I think I'm in a dream and that I'll wake up soon. That everything is just in my head. But its not true. This world is real. And it doesn't revolve around my mind. My mind revolves around this world.

And then there are nightmares. Nightmares scare you. They drive you to run faster. They drive you to think harder. They drive you to be more reactive and alert. They torture you.

But when two things are falling apart, all you need is a catalyst, for one to go back to the other. When a relationship has a distant, the nightmare of damage is all that is needed. Having a nightmare of your loved one being hurt, is the worst memory you could ever bear.

I'm haunted. To see her cry and bleed, though it is not real. But it scares me. I'm never going to leave her. I'll always be there to protect her.  I have to. If you're reading this, Pauline, I love you and I really do. My first fear is losing you. Don't go.

| No comment yet

Before sunrise:Musical mastery

Last monday, I went to watch a performance by a young girl called Kristine Clair or more affectionately known as KayCee.

She was playing the violin and was aged nine. Nothing surprising? She completed her grade 8 exams at the age of 7 with a distinction! Now that's a big one.

She played the Bach E major violin concerto for quartet and continuo. She had Kreislers Praeladium and some violin etudes. I should tell you its overwhelming.

For a nine year old to be able to be so in control of her tone. So stable and so clear with her violin. Its really amazing. The music touched me. I know it did.

It was held at the empire theatre. Not inside , just the foyer.Let me tell you just the foyer itself was quite big.

You learn a lot of things. With enough determination,passion and hardwork.  You'll reach the spot you want to be. I guess its only a matter of time. Honestly, I feel ashamed of myself to be playing the piano like how I am after watching her play the violin.It's just too awesome.

| No comment yet

Daily Bugle:Lies

It would be simply lying to say you don't tell lies. Everyone , has their dark imaged covered and buried away with lies. What you see is just the lies that have been told. Lies are heard everyday. There's nothing wrong with lying ; unless. The lie hurts someone even in the slightest degree. Then lying is a sin.

If we were all truthful, we might not have friends. Even true friends like to believe in lies once in a while. Even true friends tell lies once in a while. But simply, why can't we all just be honest?

Lies hurt. They always do. But its ridiculous to lie about something ridiculous. It's ridiculous itself just to lie. Why lie, when you hurt somebody? I have little respect for liars. Little to none at all.

I see people get hurt everyday by lies. I see lies causing pain. Most of all , I see liars giving pain away effortlessly.

Nowadays, we're all so good at lying. Like that excuse you told your teacher for forgetting homework. She was gullible, she believed it. Its either we're getting craftier, or we're getting gullible. In this world, you can only trust one person. That is yourself. It is up to you to decide who to trust.

"Words are dirty. They betray us. They cannot be trusted. That is why we have music"-Sasha from Le Conzert
| No comment yet

Daily Bugle:Sing

Today at a friend's house. He was accompanying three Church singers and was going to accompany them tonight at a Church. ( can I be more vague? )

One of them was a tall and dark middle aged woman from ( I think) Africa. She had dreadlocks neatly braided and kept in a bandana and she had a silky alto tone.

The other was a shorter adolescent with round eyes and black bobbed hair. And the last was a Senior man with glasses and a edgy voice (steven tyler) .

They sang Gospel Music. I don't know if it is gospel music or not but it was about Jesus. They sang Jesus Fragrant rose, I love the lamb of god, and a few others I can't remember.

I've never been to church before. I've never really heard christian music (save sweet child of mine by Guns and Roses).
Sistine Chapel

When they sang, it was amazing .They harmonize and they sang like I wasn't there. They sang like they were meant to sang. The love they feel in the music could be felt obviously. I was touched. Tho I didn't show, I was very very touched.

It was funny the way they discussed hastily about the arrangement of the music. And then suddenly singing again. It made me smile. It gave me a reason to smile for today.

I'm  a freethinker. I would love to go participate in church activity one day. It was obvious that they truly enjoyed. These three seemed like stress and problems don't exist. But we all know, that isn't true.

Here's a quote I saw today.

"You know you're in love, when you can't fall asleep, because reality is finally better than your dreams" -Dr.Seuss

| No comment yet

Daily Bugle:Senses

Logic. The first thing that have you understand is logic. It's the only way you can tell if something makes sense or not. Like frying eggs. Its logical to use oil to fry eggs. But is it logical to use Fragrance oil to fry eggs? It's still oil right?

When you've decisions to make. You go with the decision that you think is best for you now. The hardest things to make in life are decisions. Whether its simple or whether it changes lives, its hard either way. And logic, is there to make it harder.

You try to pick the decision that makes everyone happy. Either that, or you make a decision that won't change a thing. Sometimes, not making a decision , is already making a decision.

"One has to stand still for a moment , to see where one is and is going."

Sometimes you can't trust logic. Sometimes instincts are better. But how many sometimes would there be in a lifetime? Enough to let you learn what are the right choices to make?

Decisions are hardest when both of the choices are same. Like when you pick one, and its wrong, and you pick the others, and its still wrong. It doesn't matter which one you pick, but its hard to decide because either way, you don't wanna be wrong. ITs the same when both choices are correct. Its easy to decide, but it matters which one you pick, because correct in the wrong way, is different from being wrong in the right ways.

Decisions in my opinion are "Choices that cause pain,discomfort and loss of sense".

I mean, when picking ice cream. Chocolate or vanilla. It causes pain to just choose one. Because if you pick vanilla, you also want chocolate. And vice versa. Sometimes, you just wish you could pick all. Sometimes , you wish you didn't have to make a choice.

We know pain since birth. And crying because of pain is not a shameful thing.It's a sign you've been alive since birth. As a child, we cry from physical pain. As  we grow, physical changes to emotional. And sometimes, we just cry for no reason. We just cry. Like a balloon that has popped for no reason.

Pain is important. A painless life, is like a life with no warning. When I'm in pain, I tell myself to smile. Because smiles make smiles. And having smiles numbs the pain for long enough to prepare yourself. Sometimes, you just can't smile. Those times, you have to cry.

I've been thinking alot. I've been thinking how to think. I've been knowing how to think. I've regained my senses. But every senseful person, needs another person. To have their sense made.

My friends always tell me , I don't make sense sometimes. I don't blame them. I really don't make sense sometimes. But if you think about it. Why. How. It'll all be pieced together. We often just say or conclude the ending. Not knowing the middle at all. Its like building two islands amazing and stark. But having no bridge in between.

Its also like reading a book. And two paragraphs have absolutely no link at all. Two different stories and subjects.

Ungrateful people. Their the most irritating people in the world. When you try to do something nice for them and they turn out annoyed and mad. Really, attitude will determine where you end up in the future. Just throw ego away for a moment, be grateful for a moment, throw your laziness away and your bad mood. Don't bring your problems to your society. Bring it to the market.

| No comment yet

Before sunrise:Forgiveness

"When deep injury is done to us, we never recover until we forgive...Forgiveness does not change the past.But it does change the future"-Mary Karen Read
| No comment yet

Before sunrise:Sleep

Its when your brain shuts down and your train of thoughts are flying. Its when you sleep you feel great. Its when you sleep your troubles sort of fade away. Unless they're flying with your train of thoughts.

Everytime before I sleep, I think of so many things. What is and what is to be. What was and what could have been. How I wish I didn't think so much. But I know we should be grateful for the power of thoughts. But sometimes, Its overwhelming.

I really have no idea what I'm thinking right now. Just typing whatever pops up. This is me, most of the time, I've no idea what I'm thinking. Let alone why I'm thinking all these.

Scars are hearts. Hearts are scars. Hearts can be Scarred. Scars can become hearts.

kelvin's Heart scar
I don't know what I mean by that. But I'm sure its something you can relate to.

I find myself a whirl sometimes. Actually, all the times. I wish I was more stable. I guess this is growing up.

| No comment yet

Before Sunrise:It depends on how you look at it

Our thoughts, are more often called line of thoughts as they're continuous. And they're called Train of thoughts by my friends. The train leads to an endless path to an endless destination that would never be reached in our vast minds. Our minds are a universe. It's simply too big explore.

Depending on how you lived your life, there are dead parts, and living parts of your mind. The dead parts are where the horrible memories are and living parts are where your enjoyable memories are. If you were to recall something, you would be sitting on the train of thoughts to the destination of the memory. If you were to forget to say something you were about to say, your train of thoughts has been lost. As said by my friend.

Scientists say we use less than 10% of our brains till death. And that's the same to scientists themselves. A wide part of our minds are left undiscovered, untouched and unused at all. What a waste.

If we were to be blindfolded, and we were told to walk in a straight line. We would walk in circles, until we stop at where we started. Similarly, if you were to be locked up in a cell all alone for years. You're very likely to turn insane. Similarly, a train of thoughts without influence, is more likely to lead to negative thoughts and a fast moving train speeds it up.

If I was locked away from the world for three days. Negative thoughts swarm my mind. Because as I think and think and think, I think of all the possibilities. Negative seems to be more than positive. Everything has negative sides and positive sides, some has only negative sides , but nothing has only positive sides. But eventually, I become okay. I stop where I started. Because that's when I tell myself, I'm overthinking.

A little gesture from the outside world. Such as a smile, a handshake or a hug will change my train of thoughts. Usually care is a big influence. Whence we feel  cared, you start to worry less. As you know , these people are here for you.

And there's another thing called  day dreaming. When your train of thoughts explore every possible bit of your mind when you're awake. I can't seem to fully concentrate when an idea has been shown to me. I try to listen and understand but I catch myself most of the time lost in between. My thoughts running to somewhere. Most of the time, somewhere I long to be.

If we could browse our memories and live in worlds our dreams create. That'd be overwhelming. We deal with losses in the realistic world and similarly, we deal with gain.

I guess I just need to tell myself to be patient. Better put, stay patient. Don't let my thoughts run anywhere. They'd bring me to places I don't wanna be. It's basically mental kidnap, only you kidnap yourself, and only in your mind. Thoughts, they're really powerful.  I should think carefully next time.

| No comment yet

Daily bugle:Happy Mother's Day.


To my mother, Emily. For bringing me into this world and starting my treacherous path which I'm still on. I'll bring her pride and bring her kept promises.

I love you mom. 

| No comment yet

Evening edition: Perception

Everything we know is given life in our minds. Our happiness, sorrow, fear, excitement and love. Their all born in our minds.

So the more you think, the more you are to concentrate your emotions and feelings. The less you think, the more diluted your emotions are.

Some emotions and feelings aren't even real. Like the fear of death. Are you really afraid of death, when all the times you've been wanting to die? Some emotions and feelings are real but for the non existent things. such as the fear of the dark. What is darkness, really its just a place without light. Its like saying you're afraid of nothing. And when there's nothing, you're afraid.

Is being in the dark really that scary? It is. Its not scary to be in that state, but scary to keep on moving in the dark. Because you have no idea whats ahead. You might step on a spike and hurt yourself. You might step on a spider and run and crash into something. In the end you're just afraid of getting hurt.

That's exactly what I'm afraid of. It's non existent. The pain lives only in the mind. Yet the mind is tormenting you every single day.

I found out, bitter and negative thoughts ferment in your head if you leave them be for too long. You've to let it out. It'd take over your mind if you keep it. You'll start breaking down.

Once you release it. You smile. You finally understand, someone else understands you now. Your burden has been split into two.

A person doesn't have to say it to show that the person cares. Lets say, She may not be telling you she cares. But deep inside, she would protect you with her life. She may not want to be around you, but she would like to surround you.

Pauline's really everything I got. I'm paranoid and insecure. When she smiles, it turns around. I'm  feeling like everything's right again. When it comes to her. I'm sensitive. I can't control it. It's the first time I've felt like this for someone. I'm not liking it, but I'm loving it.

| No comment yet

Liutenant Retski

A pilot from Royal Brunei Airforces. A medium heighted man with a sort of bobble head. A nice clean and short hair cut well kept and a high forehead. He has hispanic skin color and emotional eyes. Often staring deep into you and just scanning your outershell. Thick lips and big ears.

He has a cordial tone of speaking making things interesting. Often having the spontaneous swing, leading on and on.

A friendly person. It's nice to have met him.
| No comment yet

Before Sunrise:We're only human

We humans, are bound to emotions. We're deemed, superior in the animal kingdom. Are we really superior? Why are we superior in the animal kingdom? Humans and animals are different. But are we really humans? Or are we just smart animals. Like monkeys and parrots.

Humans are animals. And we should treat animals like how we treat humans. (if you are a murderer, please disregard that line). We all can feel, and most of the times, we succumb to our emotions. And when we succumb, we become animals. Unable to control it.

So yesterday, I witnessed happiness. I gave my friend Sheena wee, a birthday surprise. I told her that me and Charlene would be going to her place to give her a tiny surprise. Well I told her I'll be giving her a mini recital. She believed and thought it wasn't that surprising anymore.

So At noon, I went out and bought a cake, and we all met up at where we were to meet. I wasn't the earliest. Christy was. Then it was Ho and Michael. Then it was Charlene. Then it was Chee Boon (whom we nearly forgotten about,sorry!). It seems the for nearly birthday occasion, one has to buy chocolate cake. I bought chocolate too, only to know it was cheese.

We planned to light the candles before going in the house, and we realized we had none! So we went to the nearest convenient store ( not so near at all) under the really hot sun. Sheena was in the dark about this. She had no idea a group of friends are coming to surprise her. As Christy was supposed to be in Miri, Ho supposed to be at his grandma's, Mike supposed to be at tuition, Charlene supposed to be at the hospital, Chee Boon supposed to be somewhere else and I had to be teaching piano.

After we acquired the lighter. We headed for her house. Once there we quickly unpack the cake and lit it up. It took a while as the wind was strong. Then the surprise was nearly ruined. Sheena's mother came down, saw us, and shouted up to her "Sheena , your friends are here!". We quickly explain the situation and she pointed out that she herself was shocked.

So we went in but the candles were quickly extinguished by the heavy fanning of the living room. We went to the kitchen and tried again. And we went up. Up to wear Sheena was. She was on the phone and it seems that she didn't hear her mother shout. When she saw us we sang the birthday song. A horribly out of tune, synchronization and rhythm song. She was jumping up and down, screaming "oh my god!" . She had atleast said it a hundred times. She went and blew the candles and proceeded to hug everyone while I went down to prepare the cake. Sheena cried. She cried. I think it's the first time someone ever cried in happiness for the things I've done.

I felt great. I've done something great. She had remembered the birthdays of everyone and bought cake for them all, its time we did something for her as well. That great feeling to see someone cry in joy, its like seeing your newborn for the first time.14 year in her life she has never cried in a birthday and it was her first.

We're all only human, and that day, we were all animals. We succumbed to happiness and stayed happy. Its simple. We can't control our emotions. We let them flow.


A little information about Sheena and I. We used to hate each other. 5 years ago, when we were in Primary 6,we met. We hated each other like hell. I hated her because I don't know. I just hated her.

We competed and kept our hate silent until recently. In year 7, I disliked her. In year 8, she became my friend. My close friend. I trusted her. I became her so called granddad. We were pretty close. In year 10,we were like really granddaughter and granddad, I don't remember how that happened. But my kid probably did someone (I'm just kidding, I don't have kids).

What I'm saying is, you can see people relation change. And changes happen to people's relation. Overtime, it either builds up like a mountain, or erodes like a canyon, until a big gap is there.
| No comment yet

Before sunrise:Ambigramatic

Forget hate,Recall love.
No words to be said here. Read it upside down.

| No comment yet

Daily bugle: Bollywood

Bollywood action movie
Great friends are ones that ones that let you do stupid things....On your own.
This photo was taken during a project this year at YOUSOF ELRASHID's home. We walked miles to get our project items. Sprinting back. So this photo was caught. The guy running with me is MUHAMMAD FAIZ.

I can't tell you how grateful I am to have these bunch of people. They're the one who molded me to who I am today. Without them, you probably wouldn't be reading this. It's ridiculous for me to explain what I would be like without them. It'd be like plants without sunlight, cars without fuel,diamonds without buyers, pianos without pianists. So I shan't bother explaining.

I'm now living a life without hate. I don't hate a thing at all. There maybe particular strong distastes and dislikes but I don't hate. But now I finally can say I hate. I hate the answer "I don't know". It's the world's bullshittest answer.

I hate hearing it. I get nothing. It implies nothing. It delays. It extracts. It cripples. How am I suppose to know what to think , what to do, if you keep fucking saying you don't know?

You've got me so disoriented. But I can't possible leave you. I really want you. The old you back. I'll take a leap of faith. I don't know. I really don't know. Thanks to you. But whatever.

| No comment yet

Before Sunrise: On a train

I feel now I'm like a train. Without tracks. Without a conductor. But with all the energy in the world. I've a power , a motivation. But to nothing.

My parent's told me that life is about being happy. One day at school, the teachers asked what I wanted to be when I grew up. I said happy. The teachers told me that I didn't understand the question properly. I told them they didn't know the meaning of life. -John Lennon
Life is about being happy. My dad is telling me, without money , I won't be happy. Sure. But I have no need to be superfucking famous or superfucking rich. I just wanna live happy. I want to be superfucking famous and superfucking rich. But I just need happiness. 

Chinese language opens up a new door to me. It's not that I do not want to speak it. It's that I communicate better in English and that if I speak in Chinese you wouldn't understand a thing.

Sure there are certain correct ways to do things. But if I have my own ways, and it works better, why the fuck do I follow the correct way? Its like if you're stuck in a one way road, the only way back is out.

If the teacher drew a line on the white board and ,without touching or erasing the line, you're supposed to make it shorter. Suppose I'm not tall, but you're short. Therefore I'm tall when you're around. Suppose I'm not thin, but you're fat. Therefore I'm thin when you're around. Just like that, suppose the line is long, but there's a longer one. Therefore , the line became shorter.

There is no one way to anything but roads. Not even roads really. Going backwards and returning is different.

I have no words to say.

| No comment yet

Before sunrise: Messed up

She's really got me messed up. Her signals are so mixed. I try to believe that she cares and that she still loves me. I think she does.

But sometimes, I just don't feel like she cares anymore. Sometimes, its like I don't exist at all. She hasn't told me anything at all. I feel like a stranger to her. I just don't feel her effort to make this relationship work.

I try to tell her indirectly. I try to tell her without hurting her. But I'm afraid I might push her away. She's the only thing I've got left now. She's starting to feel like she's not mine anymore.

I don't regret this relationship one bit. I love her, I'm lucky to have her. Maybe this is a situation to test us. I've even tried ignoring her to see if she cares. Just one day, I died inside. I couldn't bear not talking to her at all. Now I'm going to turn things around.

I've never felt so interested in the piano before. It's like magic struck me or something. Recently, I've been wanting to play the piano like crazy. It's the only place I can release. It's my favorite place to sit down and just let my fingers roll. When I'm done practicing, I listen to the music I create. That's my favorite part. Because it's such a free instrument, it's hard to stick to one criteria. It's easier if you interpreted it in your own will.

I've also noticed how care is important. I'm feeling everyone's care now. Honestly, I'm touched. My piano teacher's care. My swimming coach's care, My family's care. They all put in an effort to  see my smile. I try my best, do my best, and give them my best in return.

Really, I'm a lucky guy. I live in a home not bad at all. In an environment, decent. I guess some are luckier than others.